Mom guilt

mom guilt.

urban dictionary says:

guilt a mother feels anytime she makes time to do something for herself, outside of work, that does not involve her children.

google says:

mom guilt is the feeling of guilt, doubt, anxiousness or uncertainty  experienced by mothers when they worry they're failing or falling short of expectations some way. for many moms-particularly new, working or single moms-the variable that contribute to this phenomenon are numerous and intense.

preach google and urban dictionary.

i have mom guilt at work.

i have mom guilt at home, even when i'm WITH ellie.

i have mom guilt when i run to the store alone.

etc.

let me explain my feelings.

when i'm at work, i constantly am thinking about how i could be at home with ellie. but when i'm at home and we are having a rough day, i wish i could get out and go have "me time" but when i go have that time to myself, i feel SO guilty. i feel like i should be at home with ellie. i shouldn't be feeling like i should want to be away from her. but yet, here i am, crying my eyes out while she's crying hers out because we are both exhausted and i want out of this house.

but if i left, i'd feel like sh**. just sayin'

finding balance as a (new)mom is hard. 

it has been 4 months since i've been back at work and i still am feeling guilty about leaving ellie. and when i'm at work she's with my mother-in-law, for pete's sake i should be fine! she's not with a stranger.

i feel like on the good days i have at work i'm not allowed to feel that way. i feel guilty for having a good day without her. 

my mom guilt stems a lot for delores (remember, anxiety has a name.) delores is in my head... A LOT. she likes to make me feel this way. and i know a lot of you are probably like "girl, you're fine" or "sheesh, just tell yourself you're an awesome mom and get over it."

if only it were that easy.

i DO know i'm a great mom.

i DO know i'm doing everything i can for ellie.

i DO know i'm doing what's best for me.

still these feelings persist.

so, where my momma's at? any of you felt this way?