stop waiting for friday

i found this quote on pinterest the other day, and it kind of hit me really hard and made me think about how i'm living life and how i need to switch up a few things.

stop waiting for friday,

for summer,

for someone to fall in love with you,

for life.

happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for it 

and make the most of the moment you are in now.

um. hello wake up call.

i most definitely need to stop waiting for life to happen. i am often so hard on myself cause i feel like i'm not where i'm supposed to be at in life. 

let me give you an example before everyone goes saying "um yeah you are! look at you, you have a house, a career, a loving husband" and yes i do have all those things and i most definitely am grateful for those things. but there's one thing i really struggle with and i  constantly am "waiting" for it to happen.

a baby.

nick and i have been trying to get pregnant for more than a year now. and it's something that has been really hard for me to deal with. i often am super hard on myself because i am pretty sure more than half of my friends have kids and people that are younger than me have kids. i always say in my mind "why can't that be me?" "why don't i have kids yet?" etc. etc. etc. i’m sure i sound so selfish by thinking those thoughts, but i know i can’t be the only one. 

although i do think it's important to be hopeful, wishful and positive. it's also important to live life to the fullest and be more focused on what is going on in life at that very moment. i can't control when nick and i get pregnant. but i do have hope that it will happen soon and that when it does, i will live life in that moment and not take a second of it for granted. 

this quote has not left my mind since i read it and i hope that i can start living life in the moment and "stop waiting for friday." it’s something i really want to start working on. 

bucket list

I have crossed one more thing off my bucket list!

SEATTLE!

• go to a foreign disneyland {preferably paris}
• go to seattle [april 2017]
• go to washington dc 
• win something from the radio
• run a half marathon, maybe try a full
• go to harry potter world in florida 
• go on a cruise 
• ride a bicycle built for 2
• go to all the temples in utah
• go visit my hubby's mission
• serve a mission with my hubby
• go to a country concert  [june 2012] 
• read a book in one day {i am horrible at reading so this would be a huge accomplishment}
• graduate college 
• go to disneyland during halloween [october 2016]
• go to the ellen show
• have a harry potter movie marathon
• go to new orleans and eat beignets and gumbo
• go to the kentucky derby
• go to new york city. preferably during the fall or winter.
• go skiing or snowboarding
• go horseback riding {already been but had a bad experience, gotta try again!} [june 2016]
• ice skate at an outside rink
• watch the sun rise 
• go to hawaii
• go to disneyland on my birthday
• have a salon in my house
• become a mom
• go to bear lake [july 2012]

We have actually been to Seattle twice now. The first time was last year when Nick and I were interviewing for a job in the PNW. So it was a rather quick trip. And also a very stressful, emotional, exhausting trip. It was super fun, but it just wasn't enough time for everything. 

So Nick and I decided we wanted to go back. And this time we went for a whole week. We only did Seattle for a day, but it was so much fun and we did a ton. It was so fun to see a place that I have wanted to go to since high school. I love the Pacific Northwest. It's so beautiful there. 

What are some of your bucket list items?? Let me know! 

Dolores

So, some of you may be wondering why my blog title is Dolores. Let me tell you about Dolores. 

Dolores is:

with me all the time 

a pain in the butt 

not very nice to me 

always on my mind 

and quite honestly, not a good friend 

She sounds like a real gem right? Ha, I only wish she was. Dolores is my anxiety. Yup, I named my anxiety. Probably weird, but you know what, sometimes it helps. I don’t know why, but it just does. 

Sometimes I feel like others don’t understand mental illness. I feel like I’ll tell people I have it and they don’t take me seriously. But mental illness is real, and I think it’s something that we need to be open about. 

I’ve always found it helpful to be open about it, I’ve found it helpful to blog about it and write down my thoughts and feelings. I feel like I’ve been a help to some of the young women in my ward because I have been so open about my anxiety. It’s always nice to know that you aren’t alone. 

I know some people totally don’t understand what anxiety is and what our thought process is, and that is TOTALLY ok. But some things you may not want to say to someone who is anxious or depressed are:

“You’ll get over it” 

No, we probably won’t. We will deal with mental illness the rest of our life. 

“Just move on”

We can’t sometimes, some situations stew in our heads for days. 

“Just stop thinking about it”

Same as above, we can’t. Our brains just don’t work that way. 

“Have you tried this or that?”

More than likely we have, I’ve done just about all I can do. I obviously don’t want to be like this but I can’t help it. If you know of some magic pill or cure, hook a girl up. 

Those are just a few I can think of off the top of my head. What we need most (well what I need most, I can’t speak for everyone) is a friend. Someone to lend a listening ear. Sometimes I just need to be left alone. Sometimes I need to just go sit outside and get some fresh air. Sometimes I need a Xanax. But most of all, I need love, support, and UNDERSTANDING. 

So, probably about 50% of the time I’m struggling. I’m left to my thoughts and my brain just goes a million miles an hour. If something bad happens at work, my brain will not shut off. I stew over the situation for a few days. Which when I’m in my head about things, I usually shut down and am very quiet. Sometimes it’s hard for me to be myself, I really do try, but some days it’s just hard.  

So you’re probably also wondering why I named my anxiety. Well, I got the idea from my cousin. And sometimes when I’m having a hard day, I’ll come home and talk it through with Nick to which he responds...

DOLORES. BACK OFF. 

So there ya have it, that’s Dolores for ya.