forgive and forget

Forgive and forget.

This is something I need to tell myself more often. 

With past events that have happened this year, which I will not go into detail about, I've learned that holding onto a grudge is not healthy. And to be honest, it's exhausting! 

I know holding onto grudges is not good for my anxiety. Because I will dwell on it and think about it and eventually I will just want to explode. I will do whatever it takes to keep anxiety out of my life, and better yet another panic attack.

So, moving on and letting go is what I did.

And I feel so much better. Life is so much better, more positive.

I don't dwell on what happened anymore. And because of that I'm more happy... and to be honest, I'm sure Nick is too. I know it was exhausting for him to have to deal with all my venting and worries. (but he was the best support through everything, I don't know what I would have done without him.)

Being the bigger person is hard, and setting your pride aside is just as hard, but it also can help you feel so much better. 

I'm glad I've moved on and let go. It was needed.

Hard Work

I have a major problem with comparing myself to others.

I did it a lot when Nick and I were first married. 

I felt like we were doing so well with money, jobs etc. Then one little thing would happen and I felt like we hit rock bottom. 

I would see friends that would go on vacations all the time, buy the latest and greatest thing, and then here we were... working our butts off just to have enough to pay bills.

But, let me back up a little bit.

In our 5 years of marriage we have moved six times. Six.

Nick has always had a good job and when we were first married I was unemployed. But eventually I found one, can't remember where.. But I do know I had so many jobs when Nick and I were first married. 

Eventually just having a "job" wasn't so fun to me anymore. I really wanted to do something different. I really wanted to go back to school but I didn't know what I would major in, I had so many interests. But, always in the back of my mind for as long as I can remember, I always wanted to do cosmetology school. 

So after being fed up working in the food industry (funny I know cause I went to Culinary school too) I came home and told Nick I had signed up for hair school. 

It was time to make a change. And I was so excited.

But then again... life happens, and I felt like we hit rock bottom again.

Nick was working full time, started school and had another part time job. I was in school full time and had a part time job.

We never saw each other.

This was a rough time in our lives. Church wasn't important, I made some not good friends at my job, and in all honesty Nick and I had no motivation. No motivation for church, our marriage, friends, anything. 

We eventually knew we needed to make changes in our life. 

After a move to downtown Salt Lake, we felt like we had a new start. It was just what we needed. I can't even begin to tell you how that move downtown helped our lives so much.

After a year of being there we felt like we were ready to buy a house. 

So here we are, in Layton, in our new house.

And how did we get here?

HARD WORK AND DEDICATION.

I'm so beyond grateful that Nick and I have worked so hard to get where were are. 

Marriage is never easy. It's something you have to work at. Its worth it. And I'm so grateful for the experiences we have had to be able to get where we are today. Everything in our lives has been worth all the stress, tears, anger, and sadness. 

Because I've never been happier with anyone else. 

We are the perfect team.