ellie marie barfuss {part 1}

i have been debating for a few days on if i should post about ellie's birth story, my experience, and our crazy two weeks we had.

i'm not so good at journals but when i blog, i sure can get my words out.

so here we go.

on january 9th, i went into my therapy appointment. i had been going to see someone since my anxiety had gotten a little worse with pregnancy. while i was there i had mentioned to my therapist that i had been struggling to breath and that was giving me anxiety. she went and told the nurse what was going on and they instantly took me in to do my vitals. my doctor ended up coming in and talking to me and told me my blood pressure was high and that i needed to go be monitored at labor and delivery. i asked her if i could go home and grab stuff and she told me she wanted me to head there right away.

WHAT?!

i had appointments at work that day, i had to call my boss and let him know what was going on. so i made my way up to mckay dee and got checked in. 

i got hooked up to the nst (non stress test) and had an iv put in me to have some fluids and blood work done and had my blood pressure monitored every 15 minutes. about 2 hours later my blood work came back normal but my blood pressure never went down. i was diagnosed with preeclampsia and was told to go on partial bed rest. that was really hard for me, to all the sudden just cut off all my clients and just be done with work. but, i knew it was what needed to be done. i was willing to do anything to keep my baby and myself as healthy as possible. 

i was also told that i would be having the baby at 37 weeks. that was just 3 weeks away. nick and i were both in shock. we really were on a time crunch to get everything ready. 

in those few weeks, i was able to still go to some baby showers and get maternity pictures done. but as the 37 week mark started getting closer i was getting more tired, more uncomfortable, more swollen and my blood pressure wasn't getting any better.

january 22nd, i was at a routine doctors appointment for an nst and to monitor my blood pressure. as i was laying there the machine kept beeping every time my blood pressure was checked. which meant it was high. i could hear the nurses talking that my doctor was in a delivery and to just keep monitoring me. so i just laid there and tried to relax as much as possible. i then hear my doctor come back and i can hear them talking about how far along i am, my blood pressure numbers, etc. i was kind of freaking out at that point. i eventually went back and talked with my doctor, she told me my numbers were really high and asked how my blood pressure was at home. i showed her all my notes on my phone and she took my phone and went out of the room for a second. she came back in and said "i think you're done being pregnant, i need you to call your husband and go to labor and delivery. i'll meet you there in a few hours." 

again. WHAT?!

that walk down the hall to labor and delivery was THE longest ever. i didn't have my hospital bag, i didn't have my husband with me, i was being induced a whole week earlier than planned. everything was changing. 

so, i called nick and said "want to have a baby today?" 

i called my mom and dad and said "want to be grandparents today?"

i called my sister and said "want to be an aunt today?"

then i made my way into labor and delivery. got checked in and got taken back to a room. this time this room had everything, it wasn't just a regular hospital room. i mean, there was the bassinet for the baby after she was born, the scale, everything. things really started to get real. 

my nurse came in and got everything all set up, got my iv's in and all that. i was really worried about being so hungry, all i had that day was a pop tart and a glass of milk! my doctor eventually came in and said, i'm thinking she will labor for 24 hours so let her have a protein shake or something. so i was allowed to eat a little bit. 

nick eventually got there and we basically just hung out til things started moving along. our friends tim and kelsie came and visited for a bit which was a nice distraction. 

then around 5:00 my doctor came back in, said she would see me in the morning to deliver my baby and then broke my water. things REALLY started progressing after that. and i got to feel some real intense contractions. which, i'm glad i got to see how they really feel, but thanks goodness for epidurals. cause i was so calm after i got that. 

i ended up being able to sleep for a while and then sometime during the night, can't remember when, i ended up throwing up. 

all. over. myself.

 i was so embarrassed. but my nurse was so sweet and her and nick helped me get cleaned up and changed my sheets. luckily i felt better after that and was able to go back to sleep for a little while. 

then 2:00 in the morning rolled around, my nurse woke me up and told me it was time to start pushing. and that also meant, my doctor was not there and she would not be delivering my baby. i was a little nervous about that cause i love my doctor but i knew i was in good hands. my contractions weren't super regular so i was actually able to doze off between them and would wake up when i was ready to push next. 

3 hours later and at 4:51 a.m. ellie made her way into this world.

i was smitten. i was shocked. i was proud. i was a whole bunch of emotions. but when ellie came out she didn't cry. they had to take her away. all the sudden there were probably 8 nurses working on her. all i wanted to do was call my mom, the doctor told me to go ahead and do that, so we facetimed her just in time for her to see them hand ellie to me. 

at this point everything is kind of a blur to me. since i had high blood pressure from the preeclampsia i had to have an iv of magnesium hooked up to me during labor and for 24 hours after.  magnesium is the DEVIL. it makes you feel so groggy, out of it, drugged, loopy... you name it. 

i eventually made it to my room in postpartum. things went downhill very quickly from there. i was in SO much pain. and i was so incredibly out of it, so i ended up in a full blown panic attack, and during that i found out ellie had gone to the nicu. during all of this, nick is trying to take care of me, talk with family, be with ellie... it was pure chaos. all i remember from this point forward is getting morphine and sleeping for hoooours. it was nice to sleep, but i still woke up feeling awful because of the dang magnesium. i couldn't even walk to the bathroom, i couldn't eat, and i couldn't even get up to see my baby. so needless to say, i was pretty excited to just get that day over with so i could have the magnesium iv taken out of me. 

the next morning came, and they took me off the magnesium. i was SO excited and slept the rest of it off. i was finally able to walk around with help, i was still in pain and a little weak. but i was able to shower and go see ellie in the nicu. it was so nice to get out of my room and not be laying in bed. 

our last day at the hospital was a bit eventful, we had lots of different doctors coming in and talking to me about discharge, giving me a list of all the medications i needed to take, car seat safety, breast pumping/feeding, etc. that morning we really tried to get me walking around more instead of going around in the wheelchair. so since i did that, my blood pressure and heart rate got high again. so, i almost didn't get discharged. i was ready to go home, i was so over sleeping in that hospital bed. 

so we officially got discharged and went to the nicu before we left to see ellie. leaving the hospital without her was one of the hardest things we have ever done. nick and i were both in tears as we left the hospital. i sat in my wheelchair in the lobby bawling while nick got the car. i didn't even care who saw me crying. i was heartbroken. i knew she was in good hands, mckay has the best nicu, but that still didn't make it any easier. 

to be continued...