so nick and i left the hospital and headed home. i'm pretty sure i cried the whole way home. i was just a hot mess and full of emotions. we both ended up taking a nap when we got home, which was much needed before we headed back up to the hospital again to see ellie.
having a nicu baby is very exhausting. i was trying to breastfeed her and pump so i could deliver the milk for the nurses to give her when i couldn't be there. breastfeeding is really hard. especially to a baby that is early. she's doing all these things that she shouldn't be doing yet. it's like running a marathon, getting her to latch exhausted her, and my milk wasn't in so she wasn't getting food right away so she would get frustrated. it was hard for the both of us.
saturday 1/26 rolled around. we went to breakfast with my parents and headed up to the hospital to see ellie. it was my moms birthday so of course seeing ellie was a good way to start her day. that morning i woke up not feeling the best. at breakfast i felt very hot and flushed. i just kept telling myself i was tired and i just had a baby so it was normal.
after my parents left we stayed at the hospital and waited for ellie's next feeding. by the time we got back to the nicu, ellie had been moved from the isolette into a bassinet! ellie was progressing and it was so great to see.
later that night we went back up to the hospital with nick's brother chris. while we were there that was when we started to notice ellie's twitching. we asked the nurse about it and they said she just had an underdeveloped nervous system since she was born prematurely. so we just stayed and visited and hung out with ellie. while we were there i really started to not feel well. i ended up falling asleep in the recliner. so we left the hospital so chris could head home.
warning: TMI part of the story coming up
nick and i got home and i told him how i was feeling, i felt like i had a fever. so we took my temperature and i had one. i then went to the bathroom and i ended up passing a very large blood clot, about the size of my fist.
i FREAKED out. it was scary. and the doctors told me before the discharged me to watch out for clots that size and for fevers.
sooo, off to the ER we went.
nick called chris and let him know what was going on, so he came back so him and nick could give me a blessing.
while i was in the ER, i had lots of blood work done, had to give a urine sample, constantly had my blood pressure and heart rate checked, had a ultrasound done and everything came back "normal." so they sent me home and said i had a UTI.
sunday came and nick's mom and sister came up and brought us our gifts from the baby shower i had to miss. i legit didn't feel like getting out of bed, so all 4 us just hung out on my bed and opened presents. after that i stayed home and slept while the 3 of them went up to see ellie. i can't even tell you how much i slept that weekend.
later that night nick and i went back up to see ellie and we kept noticing those twitches. we finally got a doctor to come in and she was able to see the twitches and also watch the videos we had of her twitching. we then decided it was best to do an EEG test on her. which delayed her coming home, but we were ok with it, we wanted to have peace of mind rather than getting her home and worrying about what was going on.
so monday came and they had ellie all hooked up to the EEG. it was sad to see all these wires attached to her. but when we got there the nurse told us that primary children's already had 5 hours of the video sent to them. they also let us know that depending on the results that they may end up doing an MRI as well. which would delay her coming home again.
so tuesday morning nick went back to work for a bit. i got a call that morning that the preliminary results of the EEG showed no signs of seizures, but that they wanted to do an MRI on her to really try to get to the bottom of everything. i called nick to let him know what was going on and he ended up coming home from work. he told me to try to get some more sleep but i couldn't because i was so cold and couldn't get warm. so i took my temperature...
i had a fever. AGAIN.
so i bundled up and took some tylenol and tried to sleep and sweat off this fever. when i woke up we decided to go up and see ellie since she would be done with her MRI. we found out that she had a small brain hemorrhage, they weren't really sure when it happened, but the good news was that it had stopped and that it wasn't getting any worse. so we were told to watch her at home and to follow up with primary children's when she was 3 months old. it was nice to have answers and to know what was going on. and this also meant that ellie was coming home the next day! we were so excited, but knew we had a little bit to do to get ready for her to come home.
so we got home and i ended up not feeling well again. we had dinner delivered to us from a family in our ward and we also had some friends in our ward come by and brings us a fiiz. while they were there i knew i was getting a fever again, and i started to get some bad abdominal pain. so nick and our friend dean gave me a blessing. i did really well and felt ok while we were visiting with them, but after they left, things went downhill really fast.
i decided to get in the shower to see if that would help me relax. i could barely walk to the shower. but i got in and tried to relax as much as i could. when i got out of the shower i was shaking uncontrollably and was FREEZING. beyond freezing. i knew i needed to pump but i had no desire to, i was in so much pain. i told nick to bundle me up as much as possible and get me in bed.
the pain in my stomach went from not bad to excruciating within seconds. i ended up taking my temperature and it was 101. my sister in law told me anything above 100.4 with the abdominal pain to go in right away. i tried taking my temperature a few more times. it was going up and the pain wasn't getting any better. i told nick i wanted him to call 911 because it was so hard for me to move. he asked if he could try carrying me to the car. so we tried.
i've never yelled at nick before. ever. til that night.
it hurt so bad when he picked me up, i can't even describe the pain. it was awful. he put me back down in the bed and tried to get me as comfortable as possible and called 911. soon enough the paramedics were here. they did basic vitals and asked what my symptoms were. when they got here my fever got to 103. they decided it was best to get me to the hospital asap. they asked me where i wanted to go, they were willing to take me up to mckay since that's where i delivered my baby and that's where ellie was. but we all decided it was best to get me to the closest hospital, so we went to the new hospital down the street from our house.
so they rolled me up in a tarp, i literally looked like a human taco, and put me in the ambulance and got me to the hospital. the best part, the paramedic taking care of me looked like tom holland, the new spiderman. so we had a good chat about superheros and marvel movies. it made the drive to the hospital a bit better and took my mind off the pain. i have never in my life been more grateful for firefighters, paramedics, cops, etc. they were so nice and so helpful to nick and i.
i was admitted very quickly and soon enough met the nurses that were taking care of me.
they were the SAME nurses that took care of me saturday.
they were a little sad to see me again, but i just told them i missed them and wanted to hang out with them again. they took my temperature again and it was up to 104. so they got me all hooked up to IV's again, pretty sure i got poked like 6 times or more. i was so dehydrated and my veins were not working out for them. finally i had my two IV's in, got them another urine sample, and got a bunch of blood work done again. soon enough they needed me to do another ultrasound, and you guessed it, it was the same ultrasound tech from saturday night. this was the most uncomfortable ultrasound ever, but i knew it needed to be done.
after that, they decided to send me in for a CT scan. they wheeled me in there and i had to get up from my hospital bed to the table... PAINFUL. when i'm saying i couldn't move, i literally couldn't move without being in so much pain. once we got that done we just had to wait for the results from that and the ultrasound. a little bit later they came in and told me i had an infection in my colon and that i needed to be admitted and have some IV antibiotics. since we had an answer nick decided to run home to shower and let the cat out since we had to lock her up. while nick was gone, i had some other doctors come in and ask me about what was going on, i honestly can't even remember what kind of doctors they were. but they decided that they wanted to call an OBGYN to come look at me and look at the ultrasound results.
things started rolling real quick once the OB got involved. there was talk of admitting me to the ICU, there was talk of surgery, talk of giving me a blood transfusion.
i was seriously freaking out. i was scared.
i was texting nick and telling him all these updates and i wasn't hearing back from him. the OB came in and talked to me about what he saw on the ultrasound and what he thought was going on. i had placenta left in me and it was causing a serious infection and i needed to get to an operating room asap. nick finally got back while i was talking to the OB and he updated nick with everything. he basically told us i needed to have surgery to save my life.
save. my. life.
what??
those words scared me so bad. i didn't realize how bad everything was. i got my blood transfusion going, signed my life away for them to treat me, and was wheeled off to the operating room. i've never had surgery and i've never had anesthesia. i was definitely checking off a list of first things from a not very fun bucket list.
i actually was calm, i was in great hands. the OB was fantastic and the doctors helping him were so great. they all stood by me and held my hand until the anesthesia kicked in. and after what felt like a good long nap, they woke me up and told me the surgery went well and i did great. i was pretty loopy but i remember everything. i asked them if i had a hysterectomy (cause that was a possibility) told them i was done having kids, got very excited when they told me my dad was there, and also gave the OB a very cheerful hello when he came back to check on me. soon enough i was able to go to my room, it was almost 4 in the morning.
i was greeted by my parents and nick. i had no idea my mom came up too. it was so nice to have them there. we got me all settled and had a game plan for the next day. cause... ellie was coming home and i was still going to be in the hospital.
we all got some sleep and morning came. my dad came up and spent the morning with nick and i, then in the afternoon my mom came while nick and my dad went up to mckay to pick up ellie from the hospital. i am so grateful for my parents. i'm glad my dad was able to go with nick to pick up ellie from the nicu. it was so hard for me to not be there with nick, being stuck in the hospital knowing that my baby was coming home without me was so hard. but she got to have a sleepover with my parents and i am so glad they were there for her.
everything worked out.
we have had nothing ordinary about our story.
but, it's our story.
we march to the beat of our own drum.
ellie is our miracle baby.
and we're glad she's here.
thank you to everyone that reached out to nick and i during this crazy time.
the text messages.
facebook messages.
the meals.
the prayers.
everything.
thank you. thank you. thank you.
we appreciate each and every one of you.
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