bucket list

So I came across my old blog, from like 5-6 years ago. I totally forgot that I had a post about my bucket list, and I also have forgotten some of the things on that list.
So below is the list how it was when I found it. Only one thing crossed off.

• go to a foreign disneyland {preferably paris}
• go to seattle 
• go to washington dc 
• win something from the radio
• run a half marathon, maybe try a full
• go to harry potter world in florida 
• go on a cruise 
• ride a bicycle built for 2
• go to all the temples in utah
• go visit my hubby's mission
• serve a mission with my hubby
• go to a country concert  [june 14, 2012] 
• read a book in one day {i am horrible at reading so this would be a huge accomplishment}
• graduate college 
• go to disneyland during halloween
• go to the ellen show
• have a harry potter movie marathon
• go to new orleans and eat beignets and gumbo
• go to the kentucky derby
• go to new york city. preferably during the fall or winter.
• go skiing or snowboarding
• go horseback riding [already been but had a bad experience, gotta try again!]
• ice skate at an outside rink
• watch the sun rise 
• go to hawaii
• go to disneyland on my birthday
• have a salon in my house
• become a mom
• go to bear lake

Now here it is with items crossed off!

• go to a foreign disneyland {preferably paris}
• go to seattle 
• go to washington dc 
• win something from the radio
• run a half marathon, maybe try a full
• go to harry potter world in florida 
• go on a cruise 
• ride a bicycle built for 2
• go to all the temples in utah
• go visit my hubby's mission
• serve a mission with my hubby
• go to a country concert  [june 2012] 
• read a book in one day {i am horrible at reading so this would be a huge accomplishment}
• graduate college 
• go to disneyland during halloween [october 2016]
• go to the ellen show
• have a harry potter movie marathon
• go to new orleans and eat beignets and gumbo
• go to the kentucky derby
• go to new york city. preferably during the fall or winter.
• go skiing or snowboarding
• go horseback riding {already been but had a bad experience, gotta try again!} [june 2016]
• ice skate at an outside rink
• watch the sun rise 
• go to hawaii
• go to disneyland on my birthday
• have a salon in my house
• become a mom
• go to bear lake [july 2012]

So just a few more crossed off, but it was fun to see that I had done a few more things, and I'm sure I will keep adding to it. Because I know there are so many more things I would love to do.

Do you have a bucket list?? If so what are some of your favorite things on your list? What have you completed on your bucket list? Comment and let me know! I would love to hear from others!

PEACE OUT.

"weaning"

wean¹

wēn/

verb

gerund or present participle: weaning

So I know I don't blog very much. I always say I want to do better.

But when I do blog it's usually to get something off my mind.

So in the past I have blogged about my anxiety. I have actually been rather open about it. I like being able to talk about it, I think it actually helps me cope and feel better about it.

But lately, I have let it get the best of me. I was still on my medicine, but I was starting to get really low self esteem, comparing myself to others, worrying about what other people thought about me, and worrying about hurting peoples feelings. It got hard cause some people would just tell me to stop stressing and not worry about it. But that's not how anxiety works. So I stopped being open about it. I started bottling up my emotions again, I only would really share with Nick and sometimes my friend Kelsie. So after a few weeks of this constant battle, Nick and I decided to take an extra step. 

Counseling.

Something I never really thought I would do. 

So I have been going for the past 4 weeks. Nick went with me to my first session. We were able to share what was going on and Nick was able to share his side of everything that was going on. The counselor shared with me how my brain works and what I needed to do in order to control my "anxiety" part of my brain.

In the first session he talked about me going off my medication. The FIRST session! I freaked out in his office, I told him there was NO WAY. 

So over the past few weeks I was able to tell him what some triggers were and some things that have happened in my past that have caused anxiety attacks, and he has given me some exercises to help overcome "anxiety" situations. We have definitely figured out what causes my anxiety. And all the sudden all these little things in the past have made sense. It was like completing a puzzle.

So in those few weeks I have gone to counseling, my numbers have gone down immensely. 

Let me explain the numbers.

Every week he has me take a questionnaire. It's the same questions every week. It's questions about "how do you feel about yourself" or "do you get frustrated at work easily" stuff like that.

 My first week I took it my numbers were pretty high. But as I have gone to visit with him my numbers have gone down. Which is great! So we made the goal to get me off my medication 100%. He honestly thinks it's not really doing anything for me anymore and that I'm a lot more confident than I think I am. He thinks I'm able to handle situations on my own without being on medicine.

And honestly... I think he's right.

So I have started to wean myself off my medicine.

It's still a scary thought to be off medication. But I know it's the right thing to do. I really do feel I am capable of handling life and anxiety situations by myself. And I also have an amazing husband who will also be by my side to help me.

Anxiety will always be a part of me. But, it doesn't have to control me. 


*edit as of 12:16 in the morning. after i wrote this and started really thinking about it, i of course.... had a mini melt down. doesn't help that nick is gone and i was home alone, but you guys... i am HUMAN. we all have break downs. this isn't going to be the easiest thing in the world and i know it's going to take time to get used to this and for my body to get used to the medicine not being in my system but i'm still confident in trying this out. so bare with me in the next few weeks. i may or may not be crazy, weird, emotional... or be TOTALLY fine. we'll find out! thanks for listening. peace.*

Book number 2...?

Ok.. lets be honest.

I didn't finish my book for this month. New Year's Resolution already down the drain! 

Just kidding. I'll catch up later.

Nick and I earlier this month went and finally got Davis County library cards. So I glanced at all the books and tried to figure out what book to read next. I came across a book about P.L. Travers, for those of you that don't know who she is, she is the writer of the Mary Poppins books. 

So I saw the title "Mary Poppins, She Wrote" So I grabbed it off the shelf and checked it out. I was really excited to start reading it. If you have seen the movie "Saving Mr. Banks" then you know this book should be pretty interesting, right?

And I'm sure it is. But... I could just not focus while reading this book. The first chapter had so much information, names and it jumped around so much that my brain couldn't wrap around it. And if I'm not interested in a book my head starts to wander while I try to read and eventually I just set it down and ignore it.

I knew reading 12 books this year would be a challenge cause I need to find books that will interest me. Even though I didn't finish this book I'm still not going to give up on my resolution. 

Maybe eventually I'll finish this book. But for now I'll settle with watching "Saving Mr. Banks" and somewhat know the story of Mary Poppins and P.L. Travers.

book #1

Earlier this year, I wrote a blog post about my New Year's resolutions. You can read about them here.

Two of my resolutions are to read 12 books this year and to blog more.

Well I am happy to report that I have finished a book! 

Some of you may know that I'm not very great at reading, and if i do read a book I usually don't finish it. So this resolution is going to be a challenge for me. 

Anyways, I ended up reading a book by the actor from the TV show The Big Bang Theory. {hands down my favorite tv show}

It's by Kunal Nayyar and the book is called:

Yes, My Accent Is Real..and some other things I haven't told you.

Like I said, I'm not much of a reader but there were nights I could not put this book down. It is witty and hysterical. Kunal just has this way of writing that just sucks you right into his story and his life. I'm pretty sure him and I could be BFF's.

The book is about his life in India and how he came to America for college, how he got onto the show The Big Bang Theory and more.

I highly recommend it.

*****

maintaining anxiety

So last summer, I posted a blog about my anxiety. You can read about it here if you haven't.

I've really had to learn a lot about what triggers my anxiety, what helps me feel better, etc. 

Well, I certainly have learned that extra stress/stressful situations cause it. Sometimes I can be sitting at home and start feeling anxious. But recently I have learned that adding too many extra things in my life causes it. 

About a month ago I ended up going back to FiiZ to work a few nights a week. I was really excited about it, and the first few weeks were great. But then I started noticing how tired I was, and how late I was sleeping in. I noticed my whole body was hurting and how tense I was. This is most definitely not how I have been feeling that past few months. Then I realized what I was feeling.

ANXIETY.

Definitely a feeling I didn't want having again. Once I started my medicine it took me a few weeks to get used to it, but I really feel like I quickly was able to maintain my anxiety. I mean it didn't go away 100%, I feel it here and there but it hadn't been this bad since last year. It got to the point where all I wanted to do was sit at home and sleep. And literally that's what I would do if I wasn't working. It started getting to the point that I would get so anxious before going into work at FiiZ. I would shake so bad and I really had to talk myself into going in. It was nothing about FiiZ that was causing it. It was just basically after working at the salon I was ready to go home and be home with Nick, cook dinner, run errands, or whatever needed to be done at home. 

My life is well balanced with everything I already have going on, I work full time at the salon, I have my calling in Young Women's, family stuff... I didn't really need to add anything else. I've also realized it's important to have time set aside for yourself.

So after working there a short time, Nick and I decided that it would be best for me to eliminate having a second job. I still need to work on maintaining my anxiety and really need to start listening to my body. I've never been really good at that. I am so grateful for FiiZ for letting me come back and also being so understanding for me needing to leave.

Grandaddy

January 1, 2016, my Grandaddy passed away. It was very unexpected for me. My sister called to tell me and I just couldn't believe it. That was not the phone call I was expecting.

I told Nick I would like to be at the funeral. We talked about it and he said he would figure out a way to get me there, but things don't always go as planned.

I had a flight picked out and everything, and Nick handed me his credit card.

It was expired.

My heart sank.

I couldn't believe it. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to be there so badly. The funeral is on Tuesday. It was Friday night. At this point deep down, I knew I wasn't going.

Saturday morning came and I still was looking at flights for the little ounce of hope I had in me. But, there sat the expired credit card. I thought of how much Christmas money I had, how many tips I had saved up, if there was a way I could drive etc. I even had 2 friends offer to put the plane ticket on their credit cards. But that was too much money to do to a friend.

So it was settled. I wasn't going.

I've been kicking myself ever since. 

So I'm hoping this blog post is a way I can bring me some closure.

My Grandaddy is a strong willed southern man. I always loved that about him. I've always looked up to him and my Granny. I have so many memories of sitting on their back porch drinking Ale8's and watching the fire flies. Memories of Goldy fish fries, frog gigging, boating, Kings Island, watching TV in the den, Grandaddy making his oatmeal for us and his freezer full of ice cream.

And Nick's first trip to Kentucky.

I'm so glad I got to see him last summer and some of his last words to me I will never forget.

"Necie, you done did change your hair!"

I love my Grandaddy. And I'm going to miss his so much.

hello 2016

2016...

you guys. it's 2016. 

i can't even believe it. i honestly feel like 2015 flew.

but it was awesome. seriously.

anyways, this year i decided to do some resolutions, i rarely do "new year resolutions" but i thought maybe i'd give it a go this year, we'll see how i do.

2016 resolutions 

-i got this idea from a friend off facebook, i'm going to read 12 books this year, so my goal is one a month. i'm not much of a reader so i figured this would be a great idea.

-blog more, i figured i would blog after each book i read, so it's a win win! i read. i blog.
-read the book of mormon
- drink more WATER. i'm seriously so bad at this. 
-stay positive. you can ask nick, sometimes i can be a debby downer. but i'm definitely going to work on that.

so cheers! here's to 2016!