one month

june seems like such a blur to me.

it's already been a little over a month since my father-in-law passed away.

i feel like he has been in arizona this whole time. 

anytime we do something new to the house, or just anything exciting goes on in our lives, i reach for my phone to text my father-in-law. 

when nick and i got the keys to our house, i sent a picture of nick opening the door to my mother-in-law. nick instantly thought, "oh crap, we forgot to tell dad!" 

these little reminders that he isn't here are painful. 

but...

he is with us.

i constantly remind myself what my 8 year old nephew said to me the day of his funeral "you know what's neat? we'll always have grandpa with us, in our hearts."

i am so grateful for my eternal family and for the gospel. it has made this process easier for me.

there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think of my father-in-law. i miss him very much, but it is always so great to think about all the fun times i had with him.

nick and i have definitely felt all the love and support we have had from everyone over the past month, we love and appreciate you all so much.

thank you

these past few weeks have gone by so fast. having my father-in-law pass away is something i have feared since nick and i started dating. but my sister-in-law said it best "dad made the best bounce back ever." he did, he really did. he is now pain free and he can breath again. what a comforting thought that is.

nick and i have been so grateful for all the love and support we have received these past few weeks. all the text messages, facebook messages, the phone calls and treats left on our doorstep have meant so much to us. 

we both were so lucky to have jobs that just let us take off for a week, which meant so much to us. we were able to be there through all of this and be with our family. i feel so much closer to my family and for that i am grateful. i am so proud to be a barfuss, and i am so glad i got to join an amazing family.

i am grateful for my eternal family. what a wonderful feeling it is knowing that i get to see my father-in-law again someday. 

my 8 year old nephew brady told me at the funeral "you know what's great, we get to have grandpa with us always. in our hearts" we sure do buddy, i know he will always be there for us, even though his body is not here with us right now.

and last, thank you to my amazing husband. he has been a rock through this, he is such an amazing example to me, and i am so grateful that we have had each other during this difficult time. 

thank you, to everyone. we love you all.

my letter to my father in law.

while my father in law was in the hospital, we found out that we could email the hospital letters to a patient and they would deliver them for you. well, i had one written out on thursday morning, but found out it wouldn't be delivered til friday morning, i asked the hospital front desk to delete the email and i would just have my husband read it to him, and i am glad i did. although he wasn't coherent at the time, i hope he enjoyed it. it has been fun to remember all the good memories i had with my father in law even though this whole thing has been so surreal to me. 

below is the letter i wrote to my father in law. 

love you larry, i already miss you so much.

Hi Larry :)

I just wanted send you a quick note this morning. I love you so much, you are the best father in law I could have ever asked for. I feel so blessed and so grateful to be a part of the Barfuss family.

I am glad that Nick has been able to spend so much time with you over the past few years, and I am glad I got to tag along with you guys too. I am so glad I got to go to Arizona with you and Nick in March. I will never forget all those dam jokes all the way there. I am also so happy that Nick and I got to do one last temple session with you while we were there. I will never ever forget that. 

I remember all the times we took you diet coke to Home Depot and just sat there and chatted with you when you were probably supposed to be working ;) haha. 

Larry, you raised an amazing son, and I am so grateful to have Nick as my husband. I'm glad Nick knows all the little handy man things, and he learned them all from you. Because someone has to fix my car when you aren't around!

 I am a little jealous that Nick had you around for 26 years, and I only got to be around you for 4 years, but I am glad that Nick is just like you, because I will always have a part of you with me always. 

I love you Larry, and I am going to miss you more than you know. Drink all the Diet Coke you can up there, and keep up with the dam jokes.

Love you, 

Denise (your favorite daughter-in-law)

phoenix road trip {2014}

every winter my father in law heads to phoenix to stay with his sister. usually nick will end up driving him down there and he will fly back. it's always just a quick little trip, but i secretly always wanted to go with them but never said anything cause it was good father/son time for nick and his dad.

well, my father in law was here in utah for a few weeks and him and nick had planned a trip to take him back to arizona. so this time i asked nick if i could go with them this time. nick talked to his dad about it, and decided i could come with! i was so excited to be able to go on a weekend vacation with them and be able to go to phoenix to finally see where nick's aunt and uncle live. and not to mention, enjoy the 80 degree weather in march!

we left early on friday morning and of course mcdonalds breakfast was in order before getting on the road. those barfuss boys love their mickey d's. finally we were on the road, we made our usual pit stops when heading south, first stop was in beaver, our second was in st. george. 

while in st. george, nick and i decided to stop at a store called rocket fizz. we have one up in SLC, but we went there to get us some ale8's for the road. sadly, they were out of regular ale8, but it didn't stop us from getting diet ale8.

we left st. george and headed towards vegas to stop for lunch. we had to stop at in-n-out cause it is so much better when you are on a road trip! 

after vegas we decided to make a pit stop to see the hoover dam. and let me tell you, nick and larry could not stop with the "dam" jokes. i think i heard them for the rest of the trip.

 hoover dam was really neat, i hope at some point i can take a tour of it.

finally we just booked it to phoenix after that. at that point i think we were all tired and just ready to be there. we got to stacie and kevin's house around 8:30 and kandis and greg were also there and they were making cookies and playing mexican train. the lythgoe's are great hosts! it was fun to stay at their place. after eating tons of cookies and playing a few rounds of mexican train, nick, kandis and i headed out for the hot tub. definitely a perfect way to relax before going to bed.

the next morning we got up early again to head to mesa temple with nicks dad. that temple is absolutely beautiful. this was my first temple i've been to out of state and i'm glad it was cause it is so pretty!

after the temple we headed back stacie and kevin's to get ready to go to the angels vs. diamondbacks spring training game! i was so excited for this because i have always wanted to go to an angels game, so i can somewhat cross it off my bucket list, but i still want to see them play in anaheim. 

after the game we headed back and had a relaxing night of sitting in the hot tub, eating yummy hamburgers, a DQ run and also discovering that our flight home was not booked for the next day... it was for next sunday, march 16th.

woops!! but everything worked out, we got the money refunded {for a small fee of course} so my father in law got his money back, and was also able to book nick a flight back in april for cheaper to bring him home.

so we ended up renting a car and driving back on sunday. so we still got home the same day, just not the way we had planned! but the drive is always fun with nick and it went by so fast.

even though our trip to phoenix wasn't super long, it was still so much fun. it was so fun to hang out with family all weekend, get my first sunburn of the season, and finally be able to see what phoenix is all about! hopefully we'll go to phoenix again real soon :)

next time i go to a baseball game in phoenix, i probably shouldn't wear a necklace...

we're outta here

after waiting for what seems like forever, it's finally time for nick and i to take off and go on vacation. for 8 days. i can't wait. nick and i haven't had a vacation like this in a long time. and nick can finally meet all of my family that is there. 

so tonight at 12:45 a.m. (yup, we get to take a red eye flight) we are off to kentucky for a week long trip, to hang out with family, drink ale-8's, go frog gigging, have a fish fry and whatever else this trip brings us. 

so see ya'll in 8 days and have a fun 4th of july!