Dolores

So, some of you may be wondering why my blog title is Dolores. Let me tell you about Dolores. 

Dolores is:

with me all the time 

a pain in the butt 

not very nice to me 

always on my mind 

and quite honestly, not a good friend 

She sounds like a real gem right? Ha, I only wish she was. Dolores is my anxiety. Yup, I named my anxiety. Probably weird, but you know what, sometimes it helps. I don’t know why, but it just does. 

Sometimes I feel like others don’t understand mental illness. I feel like I’ll tell people I have it and they don’t take me seriously. But mental illness is real, and I think it’s something that we need to be open about. 

I’ve always found it helpful to be open about it, I’ve found it helpful to blog about it and write down my thoughts and feelings. I feel like I’ve been a help to some of the young women in my ward because I have been so open about my anxiety. It’s always nice to know that you aren’t alone. 

I know some people totally don’t understand what anxiety is and what our thought process is, and that is TOTALLY ok. But some things you may not want to say to someone who is anxious or depressed are:

“You’ll get over it” 

No, we probably won’t. We will deal with mental illness the rest of our life. 

“Just move on”

We can’t sometimes, some situations stew in our heads for days. 

“Just stop thinking about it”

Same as above, we can’t. Our brains just don’t work that way. 

“Have you tried this or that?”

More than likely we have, I’ve done just about all I can do. I obviously don’t want to be like this but I can’t help it. If you know of some magic pill or cure, hook a girl up. 

Those are just a few I can think of off the top of my head. What we need most (well what I need most, I can’t speak for everyone) is a friend. Someone to lend a listening ear. Sometimes I just need to be left alone. Sometimes I need to just go sit outside and get some fresh air. Sometimes I need a Xanax. But most of all, I need love, support, and UNDERSTANDING. 

So, probably about 50% of the time I’m struggling. I’m left to my thoughts and my brain just goes a million miles an hour. If something bad happens at work, my brain will not shut off. I stew over the situation for a few days. Which when I’m in my head about things, I usually shut down and am very quiet. Sometimes it’s hard for me to be myself, I really do try, but some days it’s just hard.  

So you’re probably also wondering why I named my anxiety. Well, I got the idea from my cousin. And sometimes when I’m having a hard day, I’ll come home and talk it through with Nick to which he responds...

DOLORES. BACK OFF. 

So there ya have it, that’s Dolores for ya.